Forgiveness
by Sonaaa
Summary: James seemed to get fucked every New Year's. Twice metaphorically and once, literally.
1. Chapter 1

It was New Year's Eve and James had been invited to Logan's and Carlos' place for a party. He didn't want to go. He knew Kendall was going to be there and the blond was the last person James wanted to see. He was almost a no-show but, of course, Logan wouldn't allow that. The smaller brunet came over to his apartment and dragged him out by the ear, ignoring James' cries of protest and pain. James loved Logan like a brother but he hated him just as much. He knew the shit James and Kendall went through. He and Carlos had been there with him through it all and yet, he couldn't spare James' feelings.

The brunet stalked into the bathroom the second he stepped into the apartment and stared at himself in the mirror, willing himself to be strong. He couldn't break down if he saw Kendall. He wouldn't allow that. He was stronger than that. He took several deep breaths before exiting the confined space and as soon as he came out of the bathroom his eyes fell on Kendall.

They always did in a crowded room.

And he hated that.

The anger, the resentment, and the hatred all seemed to vanish in that single moment. 5 years. It's been 5 fucking years and Kendall still looked so heartbreakingly gorgeous. 5 years of misery James went through and it just vanished in the blink of an eye.

Why?

Why did Kendall have this effect on him and why the fuck couldn't he move on already? It's been 5 goddamn years. He should have moved on a long time ago.

But looking at Kendall he knew why he couldn't move on. Not when his heart belonged solely to the blond.

The blond looked up, feeling James' eyes on him, and pursed his lips. James just shot him a look and turned away, grabbing a bottle of vodka off the counter and chugging it down.

"James, don't do this." Carlos, who showed up out of nowhere, said as he tried to take the bottle away from his best friend.

"I wouldn't be doing _this_ if your damn fiancé left me alone."

This time the Latino snatched the bottle out of James' clutches, causing the brunet to glare at him.

"Move on, James." Carlos said gently. "He's moved on. He even brought a date. Don't let him do this to you."

Date? He brought a date? James looked up and sure enough, there was a brunette hugging Kendall by his waist. The blond had his arm around her as he whispered things into her ear that made her laugh.

James' stomach dropped. So what if it's been 5 years since they broke up? So what if it James was still in love with Kendall? So what if Kendall moved on?

It wasn't like he was waiting for them to get back together, not after the way shit went down.

That was a blatant lie.

There was a tiny part of him that wanted to get back together with the blond, regardless of what happened. He just wanted to be with Kendall more than anything but it seemed as thought Kendall didn't feel the same.

James had just assumed that Kendall would be miserable just like he was. Was he ever wrong. Kendall was done pinning. He didn't care about James anymore, not the way James still cared about him. In a way, he never actually did.

The small glimmer of hope James had disappeared.

He saw Kendall and his date moving towards him. He swallowed thickly and made sure not to panic or bolt. He couldn't let Kendall see that he was still miserable, still pinning over him. Carlos softly patted him on the back before walking away.

"James,"

"Kendall," James said tightly.

"How are you?"

James shrugged. "Could be better."

Kendall winced.

"I'm Janina." Kendall's date smiled.

 _And I don't give a shit._

"Nice to meet you." James said politely. "Are you two dating?"

Janina smiled brightly and nodded. "4 years and going strong."

4 years? 4 fucking years? Kendall managed to move on a year after they broke up? How the fuck? Did he even feel anything for James? Because one year after breaking up is not long, especially after all the shit the two have been through. They've been through fucking hell and back together. This time he didn't bother hiding his emotions. He blinked slowly, pursed his lips, and nodded stiffly.

"4 fucking years, huh? I need a goddamn drink." He scoffed and stalked away from them.

He grabbed a bottle of beer off a counter and stood out on the balcony, Kendall joining him shortly after.

"You moved on pretty quickly." Was the first thing out of James' mouth.

Kendall just snorted. "As if you didn't fuck the first thing in sight the night we broke up."

James shook his head and looked out over the city. Sure, the brunet had a reputation to maintain but he didn't feel like lying. It felt like some kind of contest to see who can hurt each other more and as much as Kendall had hurt him, he didn't want to hurt the blond. He never wanted to hurt the blond, even if it meant destroying his own pride and dignity. But it's not like Kendall didn't know every embarrassing detail about him anyway.

James looked down and smiled sadly, "I haven't been with anyone since you," he replied honestly.

"You're fucking with me."

"I wish I was."

"Are you telling me you haven't slept with anyone for 5 years?"

James nodded. "I'm telling you exactly that."

"I don't believe you." Kendall said. "You could never keep it in your pants. You are always looking for a good fuck."

There was so much he wanted to say to the blond. He spent the last 5 years thinking about the things he would get off his chest when he would finally came face to face with his ex but the words that came out of his mouth weren't the words he had planned at all. It was his heart that decided to take over.

James turned to look at him. "I _was_ looking for a good fuck before we happened. I love you, Kendall, and I always will, despite what you might believe. It might have been easy for you to forget me but not for me. I've tried so fucking hard to move on but I can't. Every single time I find someone attractive on the street I tell myself that I should go flirt. Maybe they'll help me overcome the heartache you caused me but when I work up the nerve all I can think is that they're not you. No one will ever come close to you and the effect you have on me."

Kendall stood there silently but from the way he was shaking and holding on to the railing so hard his knuckles were white, James could tell that he was trying incredibly hard not to break down. The blond rapidly blinked but James saw a few tears roll down those perfect cheekbones. He resisted the urge to reach out and wipe them away.

"You can't do this to me." Kendall said dejectedly. "You can't ruin what I have with Janina. I won't let you."

"If you love her; I have nothing to ruin."

Kendall whipped his head around and glared at James. "Screw you, James!"

"No, screw you, _Eyebrows_." James said calmly, making Kendall flinch. "At least you have someone to make you forget about me. At least you can go home to someone. I can't because of what you've done to me. I can't look at a person without wishing it was you. I can't even go a day without thinking about you. You've ruined me, Kendall. You've destroyed me and I can't do shit about it."

"Don't act like the fucking victim, James!" Kendall retaliated. "You caused me just as much pain if not more."

"I wasn't the one who cheated." James retorted, his voice breaking just slightly.

Kendall looked away, guilt clouding his features. "I said I was sorry."

The brunet shook his head. As hurt as he was, this felt like closure. They hadn't spoken since the whole scandal 5 years ago and they were finally getting things off their chest.

The fucked up thing was that it wasn't James who ended it. It was Kendall. James wanted to work things out. He was ready to forgive Kendall because it meant that he wouldn't lose his best friend. But Kendall didn't feel the same. James even tried to contact Kendall but the blond blatantly ignored him. He eventually gave up trying to fix things, not having the energy or the patience to deal with more heartbreak.

He didn't even care why Kendall did it. He didn't even want to know what forced his _best friend_ to cheat on him, not when James had been nothing but faithful to him. The past 5 years had drained so much of his energy that he just didn't want to think about it anymore. And thankfully for him, this was closure.

"It doesn't matter anymore, Kendall." James said, just barely above a whisper.

"I just want you to know that it had nothing to do with you, James." Kendall replied softly. "I know you think you had something to do with me cheating but it was all on me."

"No, actually, I don't think it had something to do with me because I didn't do anything wrong. I was faithful to you. I loved you more than I've ever loved anyone and I saw a future with you. Guess you didn't feel the same." James shrugged. "And it turns out you don't know me as well as you think you do."

Kendall opened his mouth to say something but immediately shut it when Logan and Carlos cautiously walked up to them.

"You're not killing each other, are you?" Logan asked, laughing nervously.

"Congrats on getting engaged." James said, smiling softly as he hugged Carlos and Logan before pulling away. "Thanks for inviting me but I have to go. I'll see you at your wedding, and happy New Year. Kendall,"

He nodded at the blond and Kendall jerked back a nod. The brunet smiled one last time before getting the hell out of there.

He didn't get all the answers he wanted all those years ago and he definitely didn't say everything he'd wanted to say to Kendall for 5 years but he didn't feel like shit anymore. He took a deep breath as he got into his car and turned it on. He felt a thousand times better. He finally got some of the things that had been bothering him off his chest and for the first time in a long time he didn't feel like he was being suffocated.

Maybe he was going to be alright after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**2 years later**

James was watching Logan freak out.

"What if another alien invasion happens and the avengers destroy the city in the middle of my wedding?" Logan asked, his eyes bugging out.

James rolled his eyes. "Would you relax? The avengers aren't real and neither are aliens."

"You're right. It's going to be you and Kendall who will ruin my wedding."

"Oh, my god." The taller brunet sighed. "Re-lax! Please."

"But seriously. Are you ready to face him?"

"Today is about you and Carlos. So, shut up."

Logan smiled upon hearing Carlos' name. "We're going to be married."

"You are."

"I get to wake up to him every morning and go to sleep with him every night."

"You're already living together."

"I'm finally settling down with the love of my life." Logan continued as if James hadn't spoken at all. "I've dreamt of this since middle school."

Logan rambled on but James stopped listening. He was happy for Logan, he really was, but he felt a tiny bit jealous. James was notorious for sleeping around but deep down he really wanted to settle down with the one he loved, maybe even have a kid or two. But the person he saw himself settling down with wasn't with him anymore, probably didn't even love him anymore. He saw such a great future for him and Kendall but now that was impossible. The blond refused to see him or speak to him which made no sense to him. It should be James refusing to speak to Kendall. James wasn't the one who was in the wrong. It was Kendall. He deceived James and betrayed his trust. And yet, it was James who wanted to get back together.

"How's the groom to—" It was Kendall.

His smile and words faded the second his eyes landed on James.

James stood up. "Kendall, good to see you," to Logan he said, "I'm going to go check up on Carlos."

He quickly left the hut and walked into the one all the way on the other side of the beach. Carlos was calmly putting on his cufflinks.

"You ready for your big day?" James asked, putting his hands on Carlos' shoulders and squeezing.

"Never been more ready." Carlos replied, grinning.

"I'm happy for you guys." The brunet said, letting go of Carlos and sitting down.

The Latino turned around and faced him. "Your day will come too."

James gave him a brief smile but he doubted it.

"Kendall and Janina broke up. If that makes you feel any better." Carlos said.

"It doesn't matter now."

And it really didn't matter. Not anymore. James would have been fucking ecstatic to hear that 2 years ago but it was too late now. The brunet had moved on with his life, kind of. He was trying to pull himself together and he was even going out. He was meeting people and making new friends and some nights Kendall didn't even cross his mind anymore. He wasn't going to ruin that, not when he was finally starting to heal.

* * *

James was watching Logan and Carlos have their first dance as a married couple and he couldn't help but imagine Kendall and him up there, in their suits. James did love Kendall in a suit and bow tie. Would they have been here if Kendall hadn't cheated? Would Kendall have had said yes if James proposed to him? Would Kendall be as happy as Logan and Carlos were? The married couple couldn't keep their eyes off each other, nor their smiles off their faces. It was the happiest James had ever seen them. Their love was practically radiating off on to all their guests and as James looked around he saw that their love made them warm inside just as much as it warmed James.

But the warmth immediately turned ice cold when he saw Kendall looking at him and walking towards him.

The blond sat next to him.

"Janina and I broke up." He stated.

"That's great." James said, moot.

"We broke up the night of Logan's and Carlos' New Year's party."

James looked at him, suddenly annoyed. "Is there a point to any of this?"

The blond frowned, clearly not expecting this response, but nodded. "Seeing you that night made me realize just how much I've missed you, James."

"I don't want to hear this." James said, teeth clenched.

He was not going to let Kendall get to him. He was not going to let Kendall in again. He was not ready to get hurt again, not when he was finally starting to heal. He didn't have the strength to let Kendall do this to him again.

"James, please." Kendall pleaded. "Listen to my side of the story."

James shook his head, swallowing hard. "I promised Logan we wouldn't cause a scene and ruin their wedding. I also promised myself I would never let you get to me again." With that he stood up and went to another table. He stuck his hands into his pockets, afraid Kendall might see his hands shaking.

He didn't even turn to look at the blond's reaction but that didn't stop the flashback of that night from flooding his brain.

" _Kendaaaaaaaall!" James sang, turning the knob to open their door, but the door opened and Kendall was pushing James away as he stepped out._

 _The blond was flushed, sweaty, and breathing rapidly. James looked at him from head to toe, his heart dropping to the floor, and the tears ready to spill. Kendall was only wearing boxers and anyone could tell that he had just pulled them on._

" _H—hey…" Kendall said, laughing nervously._

" _Who's in there?"_

" _Uh…no one."_

" _Kendall."_

 _The blond sighed and hung his head. "Jo."_

 _James' heart went slamming into his chest and his breath stopped short. He felt his entire body go numb and he felt his knees give out under him and his head spin. He tried to open his mouth and say something but suddenly his entire world went black._

 _When he woke up on the couch; Carlos, Logan, and Kendall were seated around him. Kendall was dressed and he had the decency to look worried for James._

" _You're cheating on me." Was the first thing out of James mouth as he sat up._

 _The blond quickly glanced at Carlos and Logan before addressing James. "Can we talk about this in private?"_

" _You're_ what _?" Logan asked._

" _Why?" James asked. "What did I do wrong?"_

 _His voice was shaking and his lips were quivering and all of them could tell he was trying incredibly hard not to break down._

" _You didn't do anything wrong, James." The blond said softly._

" _Then why?" The brunet snapped. "Why are you seeing Jo?"_

" _With Jo?" Carlos yelped. "You're cheating on him with your ex?"_

 _Kendall looked away from them._

" _How long?" Logan asked, the question that James wanted answered but was afraid of knowing._

" _A couple of months." Kendall answered, looking ashamed._

" _Carlos, Logan, can you leave us alone?" James asked tightly._

 _Logan opened his mouth to protest but Carlos forcefully dragged him out of the living room. James looked at Kendall for what felt like forever, making Kendall squirm in his seat, before he finally spoke._

" _You never got over her, did you?"_

 _Kendall bit his lip but didn't respond._

" _Why didn't you break up with me?"_

" _I didn't want to hurt you."_

" _You didn't want to hurt me?" James asked, his voice rising. "What, you thought I wouldn't get hurt by catching you two fuck in_ our _bed?_ Our bed! _You didn't even have the decency to do it at her place or at a fucking hotel."_

" _I wasn't expecting you home so soon."_

 _James scoffed. "And to think people were worried that I would be the one to hurt you. They all warned me not to break your heart but you're the one breaking mine."_

 _Kendall shut his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. "Believe me when I say; I really didn't mean to hurt you."_

" _Then why didn't you break up with me before getting into bed with her?"_

" _I wanted to end things with her. I just—I couldn't."_

" _So you were just planning on dragging both of us along until you got bored with one of us?"_

 _The blond frantically shook his head. "No. I would never do that to you."_

" _You also said you would never hurt me." James said so quietly he barely heard it himself. "But how did you even convince her? She's too nice to do this shit to anyone."_

" _She still loves me."_

" _Do you still love her?"_

 _Kendall quickly looked away but not before James saw his eyes, the same eyes that told James everything he needed to know. Kendall was still in love with Jo and would probably always will be. James knew this when they started their relationship. He knew a part of Kendall would always belong to Jo but he wasn't expecting this. He didn't think Kendall was even capable of cheating, especially on someone he considered his best friend. Well, apparently Kendall didn't consider James his best friend if he didn't even think twice about brining Jo into their home and bed._

 _It hurt._

 _It hurt that Kendall didn't care about James as much as James cared about him._

 _It hurt that Kendall couldn't love James as much as the brunet wanted._

 _It hurt that they spent 2 years together and Kendall was willing to throw that all away._

 _But what hurt the most was that James didn't want to break up, he wanted to keep things the way they were but Kendall didn't want the same._

" _Here." Kendall said gently, handing him a napkin._

 _James blinked, unaware that he was crying. He pushed Kendall's hand away and wiped at his face with the back of his hand._

" _Someone once told me that if your partner cheats on you, they never loved you and never will." James choked out. "I guess they were right."_

" _I'm sorry, James." The blond whispered, his voice wavering._

" _Do you think you can if we stay together?" James murmured._

 _Kendall shook his head. "I don't want to put you through that."_

 _The blond stood up and stalked out of the living room. James felt his heart go numb, his brain go dead, and his tears flow freely._

 _He pulled his legs into his chest and let himself cry. Not only was he losing a boyfriend but he was also losing a best friend._

And to this day James' heart still had a dull ache to it.

The brunet quickly blinked away the wetness from his eyes and looked up to find Logan approaching him.

"May I have this dance, m'lady?" He asked, stretching out a hand.

James glared at him but he took the hand and followed the shorter brunet on to the dance floor.

"Will you let that go?" James asked, taking Logan's hand and putting one on his waist.

Logan grinned. "Never."

He wrapped an arm around James' waist and pulled him into his body.

"Are you okay?" Logan asked.

"I'm fine."

"Can we talk about you and Kendall now?"

"Nope."

"James."

"Logan."

"James, seriously."

"I don't want to talk about him, Logan." The taller of the two sighed.

"You have to. You've kept the past 7 years bottled up and it's not healthy."

"Do you seriously want me to cry?"

"If it will make you feel better then yes." Logan nodded.

James groaned. "I'll be fine, Logan, you don't need to worry."

"If I don't worry about you, who will?" Logan asked gently.

"I don't need anyone worrying about me."

"Would you take him back?"

"I said I didn't want to talk about him." The taller of the two grumbled.

"Would you?" Logan pushed.

James looked at him. "Probably."

"I wish I could talk you out of it if it ever happened." The shorter brunet said. "He broke your heart and I can't see him do that to you again but he was the only one who could make you happy."

"No, he wasn't." James said stubbornly.

"Yes, he was. When your dad passed away; Carlos and I almost killed ourselves trying to get you to smile but Kendall's mere presence put you on cloud nine. He didn't even have to say anything to get you to smile. All he had to do was make a stupid face and you would be dying of laughter.

"And when you got together, it was the happiest anyone's ever seen you. I have never seen you smile that much. You were always glowing and radiant whenever you were with him, James. I haven't seen you smile like that since shit hit the roof. I haven't seen your eyes light up in 7 years the way they used to when you were with Kendall."

James blinked away the fresh tears that were threatening to spill and bit his lip. "It's not like I was the one who wanted to end things."

"I know but maybe now you can start new." Logan said, winking at him.

"What?" James asked, his eyes bulging but before he could say anything else he was being spun out of Logan's arms and into Kendall's.

The brunet immediately pushed him away and tried to move but Kendall was fast. He grabbed onto James' arm and brought him into his body. James tried to squirm away but Kendall had gotten stronger over the years. He eventually gave up, sighing, and glaring at Logan over Kendall's shoulder.

'You'll thank me.' Logan mouthed at him.

'Never.' James mouthed back.

"Can we talk?" Kendall whispered into his ear, his lips grazing the brunet's earlobe.

James felt a shiver run down his spine and this time he did push Kendall away, forcefully.

He held up a finger. "No."

He started to walk away but the blond grabbed his hand again.

"Then dance with me, please?"

James wretched his hand away. "No."

He stormed off without looking back.

"James!" The blond yelled, chasing after him.

The brunet stopped abruptly and turned to look at him. "No. Kendall. No. You do not get to do this to me. You do not get to ruin my life all over again. I will not let you."

"Would you please just hear me out?"

"No." James spat out.

"Can I apologize at least?"

"No."

"Do you want me to beg you? Because I will." The blond said and dropped to his knees.

James looked down at him. "Nothing you say or do will change how I feel about you."

It didn't 7 years ago and it sure as hell wasn't now.

"Look, I know you hate me,"

 _I wish I hated you. It would have made my life so much easier._

"But I really am sorry for the pain I caused you and I hope you can forgive me."

 _I have forgiven you and I hate myself for it._ "Are you done?"

"Would you listen to me if I said no?"

James shook his head and started to walk away.

"James, please," Kendall called after him, "I still love you."

That stopped the brunet in his tracks and it made his heart go weak. He felt his knees buckle underneath him. He felt his head start to spin.

Suddenly Kendall was in front of him and holding his cheek, his thumb softly rubbing his cheekbone. James wanted to lean into the touch. His arms wanted to wrap around the blond and never let him go and he wanted to bury his face into Kendall's neck. But his brain wouldn't allow that. He swatted Kendall's hand away.

"You do not get to say that to me." He bit out vehemently, his voice on the verge of breaking.

"James," Kendall whispered, "I'm sorry."

The blond took a step forward and cautiously brought his hand up to James' cheek. This time he didn't swat Kendall's hand away.

"If I could take everything back, I would." Kendall continued. "I never meant to hurt you. Please believe that."

It was silent for what felt like forever until James finally got the courage to ask what he's wanted to know since it happened.

He looked Kendall directly into his eyes and asked, "then why did you do it?"

The blond's hand dropped and he averted his gaze, swallowing hard, before taking a deep breath and responding.

"I was afraid." He admitted. "We were getting serious and I wasn't ready. I was afraid that if we kept our relationship going you would have proposed to me one day and I was deathly afraid of marriage. I could never see myself spending the rest of my life with someone else."

"You were serious about Jo."

Kendall shook his head. "I had no intention of marrying her."

"So, the day I walked in on you and her; it was on purpose?"

The blond hung his head and nodded.

"And you expect me to forgive you after this?" James asked hotly. "After admitting that you didn't want to spend your life with me? Your _best fucking friend_?"

"I don't expect you to forgive me…I just—" He trailed off, looking away and clenching his jaw.

"And people say I have commitment issues." The brunet murmured.

Kendall didn't say anything and neither did James. He didn't have anything to say to the blond, not anymore, and he knew that if he did say anything he would hurt Kendall. No matter how mad he was at the blond, he would never intentionally hurt him, even when Kendall has hurt him 100 times worse.

"I have forgiven you, Kendall." James said, causing the blond to look up at him, his hazel eyes hopeful.

James looked away, not wanting to see the light dim from Kendall's eyes because of his next words. "But I don't want to be with you. Friends or otherwise."

He didn't mean it. Deep down he knew he didn't mean it. He wanted to get back together. He's wanted it since they broke up but James made a promise to himself and if Kendall wanted to become friends, or even something more, he would have to work for it. He had to prove that he would never hurt James again the way he had all those years ago. James' heart wasn't strong enough for it to break again.

"I don't blame you." Kendall said quietly.

He didn't bother looking at the blond as he walked away, away from the wedding, away from his feelings, and away from Kendall.

For good this time.


	3. Chapter 3

**12 months later**

James was sitting on his couch, watching some dumb TV show Logan recommended, when his roommate and new best friend, barged in through the door.

"Where are we going tonight?" Adam asked, plopping himself next to James.

The brunet didn't bother looking up from his laptop. "I don't know where you're going but I'm staying in."

Adam sighed loudly and dramatically. "Dude, it's New Year's Eve. You can't mope around."

"Who says I'm moping?"

The dark haired man closed James' laptop, which forced him to look up. They glared at each other for a few seconds until James opened his laptop only to have Adam close it again. This time James tried to get up and take it with him but Adam was faster. He grabbed James' laptop away from the brunet and stared up at him.

"Why do you exist?" James asked him.

Adam grinned, his amber eyes sparkling. "I was made just for you, baby."

James rolled his eyes. "I'm not going anywhere, Adam."

"Why?" His roommate asked, standing up and throwing the laptop on to the couch.

"Hey!" The brunet frowned. "That's a Mac."

"Why?" Adam asked again.

"Because I don't want to, okay? I'm not in the mood."

His roommate frowned. "You're always in the mood to get drunk."

 _Not on New Years when I always run into Kendall._ "Not tonight." James replied glumly.

Adam's eyebrows shot up. "I want to know the story."

The brunet slumped down on the couch and sighed. "There isn't one."

"I won't force it out of you if you go out with me tonight."

"Go out with your friends from work."

Adam rolled his eyes. "I _don't_ have friends from work."

"Adam,"

" _James,_ "

James didn't say anything and avoided looking at his roommate.

"You know I won't leave you alone until you tell me what's up your ass." Adam said.

"You're what's up my ass." The brunet replied.

Adam made a face. "You wish, Diamond."

"Over my dead body." James retaliated.

They sat in silence, Adam staring at him until James finally rolled his eyes and told him everything.

* * *

James and Adam walked through the door and the first person James laid his eyes on was, yup, you guessed it, Kendall. He groaned inwardly and made a move to leave the place but Adam grabbed his hand.

"Which one is it?" He asked.

James made a motion with his eyes and Adam's followed.

"He's really not that attractive." Adam said once he turned back to look at James. "You can definitely do better."

"You're not even into guys!"

"So? That doesn't mean I can't tell an attractive man from an ugly one."

James frowned. "Hey, Kendall is not ugly."

"Even after what he did to you you're gonna-you know what, never mind. Let's do this." Adam wrapped an arm around James' waist and held on tight enough that James couldn't escape.

"What are you doing?" The brunet hissed.

"Giving him a taste of his own medicine." Adam replied, smiling at everyone as he held James close and walked them to where Kendall was.

"Adam, this is-"

"James," that voice still sent chills down his spine.

The brunet's head snapped towards him, "Kendall," James smiled tightly.

"Hi!" Adam interrupted. "I'm Adam."

He held out a hand for Kendall to shake. Kendall looked down at him, as if he was noticing Adam for the first time, his lips thinning. The blond didn't bother shaking his hand.

"Alright, fair enough." Adam said, dropping his hand to his side.

"And you are?" Kendall asked.

"He's Adam-" James started to say.

"James' boyfriend." Adam finished, bringing up his hand and letting it rest on James' chest. "We've only been together for a year but I know he's the one."

Kendall's jaw clenched and his hand tightened around the glass he was holding. James was afraid he was going to break it. He was afraid Kendall was going to cut his hand and he hated that he cared. He hated that Kendall still had this affect on him.

"You're going to get hurt." James said softly.

Adam pinched him. Hard. James glared at him and Adam glared right back.

"What the hell are you doing?" Adam hissed into his ear. "Don't let him think you care."

James ignored him and addressed Kendall. "How have you been?"

The blond looked at Adam before his eyes landed on James'.

"Could be better." He replied.

"Couldn't we all." Adam muttered.

James looked at him. "I'm thirsty."

Adam looked back at him, clueless.

The brunet raised his eyebrows.

"You can get your own damn drink." Adam told him.

"Don't talk to him like that." Kendall snapped.

Adam's eyebrows rose. "Says the one who's done nothing but make him feel like shit."

The blond blinked, taken aback.

"Adam," James warned.

"Fine." He walked away but not before giving Kendall the dirtiest look he could muster.

"Sorry about him." James said once he left.

The blond shook his head. "He is right. I did treat you like shit."

"I've forgiven you." He said softly.

"You shouldn't have."

"You're right." James said. "I shouldn't have. Especially with the way you treated me. I shouldn't be thinking of you after what you did to me. I shouldn't still dream of getting back together after you admitted you don't want to be with me. But I can't move on. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I force myself not to think of you; I still end up wishing I could wake up next to you."

Kendall stared at him, blinking rapidly.

They stared at each other for several moments, James' heart beating furiously in his chest. He didn't want to say that. He was hoping he wouldn't say that but he had to get it off his chest. He needed the blond to know how he felt because no matter how hurt he was; it hurt more that they weren't together.

"Does that mean you'd take me back?" Kendall asked, barely audible.

"You know I would." James replied with no hesitation whatsoever.

And just like that Kendall was in his space and their lips were touching and the dull ache in James' chest was finally starting to disappear.

"I missed you," The blond whispered desperately against James' lips, "so much."

"Stop talking." James mumbled, his hands coming up to hold on to Kendall's hips.

Kendall pulled away, his eyes full of lust and anticipation and hope. "Do you want to go somewhere private?"

The brunet nodded and in a flash he was being led to a room in the back. Kendall locked the door before he was crushing his lips against James'. The brunet shoved him against the door and started undoing Kendall's shirt. The blond pulled away from James' lips and placed wet and sloppy kisses against the other man's neck while his hands fisted James' hair. The brunet groaned into his mouth and rubbed his erection against Kendall's.

Kendall took his shirt off once James was done unbuttoning it and threw it across the room.

"Can I fuck you?" The blond whispered, bringing his lips back to James'.

"Please," James groaned against his lips.

Kendall took his shirt off once James was done unbuttoning it and threw it across the room.

"Can I fuck you?" The blond whispered, bringing his lips back to James'.

"Please," James groaned against his lips.

Kendall grinned and pushed him backwards and on to the bed. He climbed on top of James' and started undoing his pants while the brunet pulled his shirt off. He looked down at James, his eyes hooded with desire. He smirked, leaning down to kiss James on the lips but pulled away before the brunet could deepen it. Kendall kissed his way down James' neck, leaving a trail of hickeys after him. James closed his eyes, his breath picking up it's pace as he ran his fingers through Kendall's blond hair. Kendall stopped kissing James' bare chest to spread the brunet's legs.

James opened his eyes and groaned out in fustration.

"Why'd you stop?"

"I just can't believe the sight in front of my eyes." Kendall murmured, pulling James' pants off. "I didn't think I'd ever get to see you like this again."

"Shut up and fuck me." James grumbled impatiently.

"Don't worry, we'll get to that. But first…" Kendall reached down to pull at the band of James' boxers.

James bucked up, allowing the blonde to pull his boxers off. James' cock springs up. Kendall grasped it, sliding his thumb over the slit, causing the brunet to shiver.

"Fuck, Kendall, don't tease me." James hissed out.

The blond smiled up at him as he ran his tongue up James' shaft.

"Oh, fuck, yes!" James cried out, bucking his hips upwards.

Kendall held the brunet's hips down and in one swift movement, he took James' cock into his mouth. The brunet threw his head back and grabbed a full head of blond hair.

"Faster." James whined.

Kendall obeyed and moaned around the brunet's cock, taking James in deeper and deeper with every suck. James felt his toes curl and his eyes roll to the back of his head.

"I'm going to come, fuck." James panted out, tugging at Kendall's hair.

The blond pulled off, emitting an audible pop, and kissed the inside of James' thigh. He stood up and walked over to the nightstand, starting to palm himself as he did so. He opened the drawer and pulled out a tube of lube and walked back to the brunet. He popped open the tube and poured some lube all over his fingers. He rubbed it against James' hole before slowly pushing a finger in. James gasped, gripping the duvet, and instantly clenching around the blond's finger.

"Oh, fuck." Kendall groaned out. "So tight."

The blond started to pump his finger slowly, using his other hand to stroke himself. Once James started to relax, Kendall slowly put in another finger. James bit down on his bottom lip and slightly rolled his hips. Kendall poured some more lube onto James' hole, and pushed in one last finger. He slid them in and out until James was stretched out enough to get fucked.

"Get inside me already." James panted impatiently.

The blond chuckled, pulling his fingers out. He poured some lube on to his cock and leaned down to kiss the brunet. The kiss is violent as their teeth clash together and James winces slightly but he wraps his arm around Kendall's neck, keeping their lips pressed against each other. The blond slowly pushed his cock inside James, causing the brunet to grimace from the pain. Kendall pulled away but only for a moment. He kissed James softly and affectionately. James swallowed thickly and opened his eyes. Kendall was looking back at him, his piercing green eyes holding promises and apologizes and _love_.

"You can move now." James whispered.

The blond flashed him a grin and pushed away James' wet bangs from his forehead before leaning down and kissing it. The kiss was gentle and fond and James didn't know what to think about it, didn't _want_ to think about it. He tightly shut his eyes and pulled on the blond's hair.

"Move." He demanded.

Kendall let out a breathy chuckle and started to thrust into him. The brunet threw his head back, his hand falling form Kendall's head and clutching the duvet. His moans got louder and louder as Kendall hit his prostate each time. Their hips moved together in perfect sync. The blond buried his face into the crook of James' neck and let out open mouthed, heavy pants against it, making the hair on the back of the brunet's neck to stand up. He continued to fuck James as he placed wet kisses along James' nape.

"Fuck," The blond moaned, "you feel so good."

"I'm close," James whimpered, his toes curling.

"Come for me, baby." Kendall whispered, his lips above the shell of James' ear as he fucked deeper.

James closed his eyes, muscles contracting as he reached his orgasm, coming onto his stomach. Kendall bites and licks James' collarbone before pulling out and gasping his own cock.

"Let me." James mumbled, swatting the blond's hand away and taking the cock into his hand.

"Please," The blond moaned.

James stroked Kendall's cock as the blond's head lolled backwards. He fucked into the brunet's hand and came all over James' stomach. He kept fucking into James' hand, milking his orgasm all the way through. He only stopped after James let go and threw himself back on to the bed. Kendall pushed his sweaty hair away from his face and plopped down next to the brunet.

Neither of them said anything for a really long time; the only thing that could be heard was their heavy breathing.

James was waiting for Kendall to get out of the bed, get dressed, and leave but he didn't. Instead he wrapped an arm around James' torso and snuggled into him. The blond rested his head in between the crook of James' neck and shoulder and breathed out a sigh.

The brunet went rigid for a total of 10 seconds before relaxing into the touch.

"We should probably get cleaned up." James said quietly.

Kendall shook his head. "I don't want to leave."

"It isn't our place."

"Shhhhh. Let me have this. I haven't had you like this in so long."

James bit his lip but didn't argue. He shifted so that he was completely pressed against the blond's body and closed his eyes. He already felt himself drifting off.

"Thank you for giving me another chance." Kendall whispered. "I love you."

James' couldn't stop the smile from forming on his face.


End file.
